The United States can be divided into two parts, as shown on the map below: Texas and Not Texas. Hordes of people from Not Texas have been immigrating to Texas in recent decades, swelling our population from around seven million when I was in school to around twenty-five million in current estimates. A lot of people are stuck in jobs or family situations in Not Texas and can’t come. That’s fortunate, since otherwise the entire population of the world would try to crowd into Texas.
People sometimes refer to Texas as a southern state. Others consider it to be a western state. Neither is accurate. Texas is Texas, and there’s no substitute.
People in Not Texas speak kinda funny. Californians, New Yorkers, Virginians, New Englanders and others have funny accents that sometimes make it hard to understand them. Texans are the only ones who have no accents at all. We just all sound normal. And, of course, we use normal expressions that y’all should be able to understand.
Even Not Texans realize that everything is bigger in Texas. Some don’t realize how much bigger, though. Sometimes we have to post signs to keep the foreigners reminded of the special dangers this can pose.
Of course, Texans are raised to be polite. We respect our elders and show it in our manners.
Sometimes the size of Texas can be a bit of a disadvantage. You can leave Beaumont or Texarkana headed for El Paso and take two days to get there. The same is true going from Brownsville to Dalhart. Another way to look at it is that you can drive from El Paso to Los Angeles quicker than from El Paso to either Texarkana or Beaumont. Of course, that’s assuming anyone would actually want to go to Los Angeles.
We have four seasons here in Texas: hot, hotter, Christmas, and winter—which lasts from Christmas until January. Except for a few people in the Panhandle, we don’t even know what snow blowers look like.
Vegetarians need not apply for Texas citizenship.
Texans know the value of beef. The vegans and other health nuts can talk all they want about limiting the consumption of red meat, but we know better. A Texan’s diet is filled with good solid protein.
Guess I’d better cut this off before all of y’all Not Texans start trying to crowd your way into our fabulous state. We love you, but we just can’t find room for all of you.
If y’all are fortunate enough to live in Texas, tell us what you like best about it. If y’all are unfortunate enough to live in Not Texas, try not to drool as you read all this—or else let us know whatever you like about living off out yonder and being a furriner.
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WANA: We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.
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For more information about David N. Walker, click the “About” tab above.
For more information about his books, click on “Books” above.
Contact him at dnwalkertx (at) gmail (dot) com or tweet him at @davidnwalkertx.
David N Walker 
I love this David!
How funny are you????
Thanks for bringing it to the party. I hope you have fun clicking on the links!
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Thanks, Susie. I clicked on several of them.
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Susie sent me and I enjoyed your view of Texas. Sine I live in Texas I can only say y’all did a nice job. 🙂
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Thanks, John. Drop in anytime.
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Susie sent me over. What a hoot! Living in Wisconsin, it’s hard to imagine the four seasons you have – ours are Winter, More Winter, Spring and Road Construction. I’ve always wondered what us Beerhead/Cheddarheads sound like to y’all down in Texas. 🙂
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I love your summer weather in Wisconsin. Been there several times. Have to agree about the road construction, though. Guess they can’t do much in the winter.
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I’m a born-and-bred, proud-as-can-be Texan. I do think we can get a little too big for our boots sometimes, but when you’re the best state in the union… 😉
Actually, what I most love about Texas is the friendliness. I hope we never lose that “come on in, y’all” attitude–offered to native, immigrants, and visitors to our state. There’s a little of something for everyone here–beach, hill country, forests, mountains, etc. So if someone doesn’t adore one part of Texas, just drive a little and you’ll find someplace else to enjoy.
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Absolutely right, Julie. From coastal swamps to Hill Country to arid desert to mountains. We’ve got it all. Okay, I don’t remember seeing a ski slope that wasn’t man-made at some mall or something.
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We water-ski. It’s still skiing. 😉
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Cute post! I love the sign with the mosquito carrying off the person. That’s one thing about Wyoming, there’s so little water (usually) that nothing grows. It’s a sad fact when you’re trying to grow a garden, but at least the bugs are small. 🙂
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Actually, Lara, some of the biggest mosquitoes I’ve ever seen were around Jackson Lake.
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Good laugh, David. You’re right about bad hunters – I couldn’t hit a thing. Fortunately carrots rarely move 🙂
Cheers!
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So that’s it, Nigel. I’ve always wondered why you’re a vegetarian.
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Ha ha. Love this.
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Thanks, Emma. Glad you enjoyed.
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I may not be fortunate enough to live in Texas, but I’m sure lucky enough to visit there (usually every year). 🙂
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Let me know the next time you’re anywhere near Fort Worth, Kitt. I’d love to meet you.
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Sure will, David!
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Great post, David. August in Texas is why God invented air conditioning. Cheers, Ashley
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You’re exactly right, Ashley.
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Lol – there’s so much to love about Texas. Not only are we self-deprecating and funny but we’re friendly as all get out (unless you mess with us in which case, watch out. Remember the Alamo… need I say more?).
Having grown up in Florida, I’d gotten quite used to friendly, happy people. Then, after having had the sad misfortune of living in Indiana for five years, I remember moving here and feeling like I’d returned home the first time a gentleman talked to me while we were both pumping gas at a gas station. It was a beautiful, sunny day, and the conversation was benign but hilarious. I remember thinking, “Yes, finally people acknowledge you exist” and can look beyond themselves and/or their destination to see you.
By the way, there are actually five seasons in Texas, not the traditional four: Hot, hotter, hotter than he**, Christmas, and winter. The third one is also called August on the calendar and typically is when temperatures reach 105-115 degrees a day. (lol!) I learned that the hard way and do my utmost to avoid being outdoors in August.Even so, I spend a bit of my time in August, eyeing my windows wondering if the glass has started to melt…
Love your post as always my friend!
Charity
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Thanks, Charity. Yes, August is a good time to stay inside under the air conditioner.
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Hilarious post but so not fair! You Texans don’t have an identity crisis like we do in NW Florida. This part of FL is also known as LA–Lower Alabama. Texas has a nice shape too on a map. Florida looks kinda sad, like a balloon that’s been popped or something worse.
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Thanks, Walk2. Don’t know what part of the Panhandle you live in, but I understand Pensacola is closer to Fort Worth than it is to Miami. And have you ever seen a snowflake?
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Funny, with lots of truth to it. Even though it gets hotter than hell in Texas in the summertime, I’ve always loved it. Good blog!
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Thanks, Sharon. I suspected you would.
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