We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.
Julie Glover recently wrote a blog about euphemisms for urinating. After I got through laughing at some of the examples she came up with, I recalled a time many years ago when I got a lot of laughs out of such a euphemism.
Most of my military service was at Fort Sill, Oklahoma. I served as battery clerk in one of the artillery officer candidate batteries. 1967 and 1968 were busy times for the army. Vietnam was building up, and we were churning out officers at breakneck speed.
The cadre that ran our battery included a captain as battery commander, a first lieutenant as executive officer, and four second lieutenants as platoon leaders. The first sergeant and I (a Spec 5) were the only enlisted personnel in the orderly room (battery headquarters).
Although the commander and XO were a bit aloof with us peons, the platoon leaders weren’t. They frequently invited me to be a fourth for bridge or to shoot pool with them in the battalion dayroom, and I became good friends with several of them.
One time Lt. Bill Rice and Lt. Bob Johnson invited my wife and me to join them and their dates for a trip to a restaurant some twenty miles or so up into the Wichita Mountains behind the post. Since we were off duty, off post and dressed in civvies, they insisted I call them by their first names instead of “lieutenant,” as I did during the duty day.
We had a great time—talking, cracking jokes, and so forth. I think Bill was driving, and his date and Bob were in the front seat with him. Bob’s date was in the back with my wife and me.
About halfway from the restaurant back to I-44, I knew we were miles from any place to make a pit stop, so I told Bill I had to wee.
He assumed I was kidding and told me to wait until we got back, but I told him I couldn’t wait. I really needed to wee.
We argued back and forth for a couple of minutes, each of the other occupants of the car getting more and more embarrassed. Finally, Bill decided I must be having a real emergency, so he pulled over to the side of the road to let me out.
I opened the back door, stood up, and yelled, “Weeeeee!” Then I got back in the car and said, “Oh, that’s better.”
Bill and Bob both wanted to get mad at me, but they couldn’t stop laughing long enough to do so. The three women didn’t know how to react at first, but finally they all began to laugh, too.
It was days before the officers quit talking about it.
Do you have a story you can share about urinating or pretending you had to? I always love hearing from you.
For more information about his book, click the “Heaven Sent” tag above.
Contact him at email@example.com or tweet him at @davidnwalkertx