“Old” Jokes

WANA: We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.

Everyone likes to poke fun at us old folks, so maybe the best defense is to poke fun at ourselves. Here are some of my favorites on “aging:”

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

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Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.

She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

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Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"

"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."

"So you’re 96," the undertaker commented.

She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

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An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed.

"Why Wal-Mart?"

"Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

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My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

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Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

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I’m getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.

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These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

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Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up!

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Remember: You don’t stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.

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THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

That last one pretty well sums it up. Hope you enjoyed these. Remember, you’re approaching that age, too. Even if you’ve got forty years to go before Medicare.

 

clip_image001David N. Walker is a Christian father and grandfather, a grounded pilot and a near-scratch golfer who had to give up the game because of shoulder problems. A graduate of Duke University, he spent 42 years as a health insurance agent. Most of that career was spent in Texas, but for a few years he traveled many other states. He started writing about 20 years ago, and has six unpublished novels to use as primers on how NOT to write fiction. Since his retirement from insurance a few years ago, he has devoted his time to helping Kristen Lamb start Warrior Writers’ Boot Camp and trying to learn to write a successful novel himself.

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About David N. Walker

David N. Walker is a Christian husband, father and grandfather, a grounded pilot and a near-scratch golfer who had to give up the game because of shoulder problems. A graduate of Duke University, he spent 42 years in the health insurance industry, during which time he traveled much of the United States. He started writing about 20 years ago and has been a member and leader in several writers' groups. Christianity 101: The Simplified Christian Life, the devotional Heaven Sent and the novella series, Fancy, are now available in paperback and in Kindle and Nook formats, as well as through Smashwords and Kobo. See information about both of these by clicking "Books" above.
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22 Responses to “Old” Jokes

  1. Donna Newton says:

    Lol. Read one and you have to read them all. It’s like an addiction. So funny!

    Like

  2. Pingback: “Old” Jokes « David N Walker – Where the Heart Is | Marji Laine ~ Writer

  3. Dawn says:

    Even though I’ve heard most of these before, they are like reruns of Cheers for me – still great! Thanks for the laughs today!

    Like

  4. susielindau says:

    These are hilarious! I especially love the senility prayer although I find it really hard to hold a grudge anyway. Life is too short, unless you are 96!

    Like

  5. I’m still laughing. Can you hear me? 😉

    Like

  6. Diana Stevan says:

    Thank you for the chuckles. And also for sharing you have 6 unpublished novels in your drawer. It takes a brave and honest man to admit the truth. all the best, Diana

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  7. Delightful post David. Love that senility prayer!

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  8. fuonlyknew says:

    Thanks for many laughs. We have to keep a sense of humor, especially when looking in the mirror:)

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  9. Marji Laine says:

    Hahahahaha! I love this! Laughter should be part of every day!

    Like

  10. Barb Estinson says:

    Good one, Bro. Here are some other advantages of being old ….

    No one says “Well, when I was your age ….”

    The senior discounts add up.

    We can get by with more … the young can just shake their heads sympathetically and think “Well, he/she is just old ….”

    Very rarely do we need to wear uncomfortable clothes …. pantyhose, neckties, heels, etc.

    I’m sure there are more … I’ll let you know when I remember them.

    Barb

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  11. LOL!!! Fabulous David – great way to start my day!! LOL!!!

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  12. This generated more than one LOL, David.

    “Hardly worth going home, is it?” Priceless!

    I don’t celebrate birthdays anymore. I celebrate anniversaries of my forty-second birthday. I believe, we’re only as old as we act. Until I need “addled” to get myself out of a jam.

    Must. Get. Self. To. Gym. Today.

    Like

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